So, many of you will probably be pontificating this year’s new budget, and wondering what it all means to people like us. Well luckily, I was at the budget announcement dinner last night; and I think I can explain how it all works to most of you.
My head is still throbbing, and my eyes are still red – so point form will have to do.
4pm: Leave Work for City
6.21pm: First Pint at James Squire
6.24pm: Meet Friend
6.35pm: Second Pint at James Squire
6.41pm: Enter Convention Centre for Jordan Belfort’s sales presentation
6.42pm: Notice that there is free beer at Jordan Belfort’s sales presentation
6.52pm: 4 beers down, notice that we are not actually at Jordan Belfort’s sales presentation, rather we are at the Federal Budget announcement dinner
7.03pm: 7 beers down, enter Jordan Belfort’s sales presentation.
7.05pm: Ask person next to me if I can have his Blackberry.
9.30pm: Tired of Belfort’s platitudes, make way down to Federal Budget announcement dinner
9.31pm:“Maître Dee, a couple of beers please”
“Are you actually here at the dinner”
Indignant look. “Ahhh….. Deficit”
“What?”
Panicky look. “Ahhhh. surplus?”
“What?”
“Swanny”
“Oooookkaaaay – what will you have to drink”
11pm: Roughly 12 beers down, Friend and I are eating the leftovers on each dinner plate.
11.10pm: Walk out of Convention centre with bottle of wine and two wine glasses.
11.14pm: Financial Planner talks to Friend:
“How did you find the dinner?”
Indignant look. “Ahh… Surplus”
“What?”
Panicky look. “Ahhh….. Deficit”
“What?”
“Swanny”
“Oookkaaaay… What do you guys do for a job?”
Friend: “I run GH capital, we’re a start up hedge fund looking for seed investors”
Me: “I’m the Head of Sales at NAB private wealth”
Financial Planner: “No your not”
Me: “Umm… Surplus..?”
12.30am: Walk into the Gaff (a good yardstick for my state of mind)
1.01am: Have tall English, busty backpacker buy us drinks
1.30am: Make out with said backpacker.
1.47am: Friend goes home
2.08am: Tall English, busty backpacker asks after having bought me 4 vodka sodas: “Are you going to buy me any drinks in return..?”
Indignant look. “Umm…. Surplus?”
“What?”
Panicky look. “Ahhh….. Deficit”
“What?”
“Swanny”
4am: I give confused look to English backpaker as she says she isn’t keen to “Come lay in Friend‘s bed with me”
4.33am: Crawl into Friend’s bed
7.05am: Wake up to the smell of sex and a naked Friend
7.07am: Contemplate sexuality whilst driving to work
7.33am: Make the international signal for wind down windows to driver next to me in traffic jam.
Me: “Excuse Me”
Driver: “Yes”
Indignant look. “Umm…. Surplus?”
“What?”
Panicky look. “Ahhh….. Deficit”
“What?”
“Swanny!”
So with this year’s plans for the budget, we can all expect some periods of free booze, followed by a boost from the tourist dollar; with a great deal of sexual confusion later on in the piece.
I hope this helps you all understand the ins and outs of the new Federal Budget.
All my love,
Aunty Elliston
I like the bit where he talked about the budget and getting drunk.